Varied Sentence Beginnings (Life on Earth in 2009)

The exemplar "Life on Earth in 2005" demonstrates sentences that usually begin with a subject. The writing will be more interesting and the content more clearly connected by varying the sentence beginnings. As a whole-class, small-group, or individual student exercise, have students underline the sentence beginnings; then, have students change at least five of them to add variety ad interest. Students may add a fre eords to improve the variety and clarity of the sentences or may change the order of the sentences. Of the following sentences, the first and third include a few added words; the second has changed word order, which is another possibility:

1. Although silly people back then thought that they had to build colossal mansions, we use housing space much more efficiently.
   
2. Since they did not have auto-cookers as we do, in 2005, simple earthlings used freeze dried food.
   
3. In 2005, people used rocket ships only for research trips to the moon.

After the exercise, challenge students to review one of their own compositions to underline sentence beginnings, and if most sentences beginnings, and if most sentences begin with the subject, to add variety to sentence openers.

"Life on Earth in 2005" also serves to review transition, discussed in "Terricfic Transition." Have students identify transition devices and suggest other possibilities for transition.

• Transitions
  
• Start with questions
  
• Onomatopeia
  
• Quotes
  
• Anecdote
  
• Dialogue
  
• Vivid Words

EXEMPLAR

Life on Earth in 2005

Life 200 years ago was very fifferent today. Many invventions that help us today did not exist back then.
FOr one example, earlier transportation methods were primitive. They only used rocket ships for research trips to the moon. They wouldn't understand the concept of a body beamer. People walked on the ground of Earth; they did not go trough chutes in the aur.
The making off food back then was also different. In 2005, simple earthlings seldom used freeze-dried food. They did not have auto-cookers as we do. They had to go to the supermarket to buy food. We select from computer lists for instant delivery.
The 2005 houses and buildings were all on the ground. They did not have floating buildings. Some houses were made with wood. Silly people thought they had to build colossal mansions. WE use housing space much more efficiently.
In addition, their lifestyle was extremely different than ours. Most of the time, people were in a hurry. The adults had to go to a building to work. The kids had to leave home to go to school. They did not have many online schools and online offices. How backward! They would have to make a lunch. THey would eat lunch at work ot school. Their pastimes included books. WE read online texts.

They also used metal circles for currency. They also used pieces of paper. WE simply use virtual credit for all the amazing products and services available to us.
In 2005, if anyone committed a crime, they would be hunted down by the police in person. They did not have an embedded computer chips that monitor us when we do wrong. The people that committed the crimes were than taken to court where judges would determine if the suspect was guilty or innocent. Our computer monitoring provides instant judgment and sentencing.
We should be very pleased with the progress we have made in 200 years!

Imagine if we didn't have the inventions that help us today. Well if you lived 200 years ago, you'd find out how it's like.
Earlier tranportation methods were primitive in the way that people only used rocket ships for resarch trips to the moon. They wouldn't understand the concept of a body beamer. People walked on the ground of Earth; they did not go trough chutes in the air.
Since they did not have auto-cookers as we do, in 2005, simple earthlings used freeze dried food. They did not have auto-cookers as we do. They had to go to the supermarket to buy food. We select from computer lists for instant delivery.
Although silly people back then thought that they had to build colossal mansions, we use housing space much more efficiently.
People were always in a hurry, showing that we had very different life styles. The adults had to go to a building to work. The kids had to leave home to go to school. They did not have many online schools and online offices. How backward! They would have to make a lunch. THey would eat lunch at work ot school. Their pastimes included books. WE read online texts.
Pieces of paper and metal curcles were used as currency. WE simply use virtual credit for all the amazing products and services available to us.
Police hunted down people that committed a crime, compared to how we have embedded computer chips that monitor us when we do wrong. The people that committed the crimes were than taken to court where judges would determine if the suspect was guilty or innocent. Our computer monitoring provides instant judgment and sentencing.
We should be very pleased with the progress we have made in 200 years!





"Yes!" Mikey cried. "I've beaten the final level of Kingdom Hearts Three at last!
And it only took me 3 hours. That's pretty fast!"
Mikey put down the controller to the game he was playing a lied back.
"I'll have a snack, and break in this new game. I bet it's going to be awesome!"
Mikey, the game freak as he was always called, rushed upstairs to have his usual snack of milk with a couple of Oreos, and returned merely 3 minutes later. He couldn't waste any more time. He had to beat this game. He would never forgive himself if he didn't.
Mikey sat down on his favorite chair, and turned on his PS3.

He was 15, a healthy height of 5'8, pretty skinny, and a pretty good looking guy; but hewas a stange boy. Except, he had one BIG problem. He was a game freak. He could not stop playing games. Video games, and anything related were his life. Mikey was a pretty smart kid, and he was cool if you got to know him. He had so many talents, and he had so much potential to succeed...but it was all for nothing. This boy woke up at 5 to play some games, left for school at 7, immediately came home, and sat down to play his games. His parents tried desperately to take away his bad habit and actually make him do his homework, but their attempts were all in vain. Mikey was a video game addict.

"Time to get myself into this game" Mikey said with a grin.
With that, he flipped on the switched to his PS3, and got himself into a more comfortable position to play his new game, Street Fighter 4. It was a new game, and the graphics were unbelievable. As the game came on, and he pressed the start button, something strange happened. Out of nowhere, time froze, and Mikey gasped horrified as this strange sensation started taking over his body. He was being pixalized, but it wasn't even hurting. There was nothing Mikey could do. Within seconds, he had become completely pixalized. But that wasn't the end of it. Mikey felt himself...being transported. Right into his game.
"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!"

On the stage, after some time, Mikey finally opened his eyes. He had literally gotten into game. Oh, the irony of it all. He looked around. If this was street fighter four, then...
Mikey looked around. Sure enough, there were thousands of computerized looking people as the audience, and he was in an arena.

This was PERFECT! Mikey couldn't believe his eyes, and actually laughed out loud. Now he would always be in a video game, watching endless fights and never aging, or becoming hungry, or tired! He was just about to shout with glee, when another character stepped onto the stage, right in front of Mikey. Mikey smiled.
"Excuse me good, muscular sir, would you mind letting me pass? I want to see the fight."
The man said nothing. Instead, he assumed a battle pose, and waited. What was going on?
Just as these thought crossed his mind, a voice out of nowehere said "FIGHT!"

"...EEP!" Mikey reacted faster than he ever had in his life. Out of nowehere, the muscular man had lashed out at him, and Mikey had to duck.
"Hey! What was that fo-oomph!" Mikey collapsed as the character struck out again and hit his stomach. But the character didn't stop there. He just kept punching and kicking at Mikey. "Hey, stop it!" he cried out, only to be punched in the face again.

"This is a video game..this is not real!" Yet, it certainly seemed real, and it certainly
felt real. As Mikey was being pummeled, he managed to look up for a second. Right above him, was something that looked like a health bar. It was rapidly decreasing, and once it hit zero, that would mean game over. What would happen if he got a game over? Mikey did not want to find out. This was all his fault for being so addicted to video games. AS his health came almost to an end, he cried out "If I ever come out of this alive, I'll never be addicted to video games again! At that moment, the health bar went zero, and everything went black.

Mikey opened his eyes.....and.... it wass still not over?! Was there a round 2?! He looked around. Nope, he was back in his home. Was it a dream that had just happened? It had certainly seemed so real. Mikey winced in pain and looked down at himself. No..it had all been real. He was bloody and bruised, and he was in a lot of pain. But he was home and safe from that character from Street Fighter 4. He looked down at the case for the game and smirk. Mikey wouldn't be playing video games anymore. At least, not for a long time.