Imaginative Detail and Use of Devices (Perfect Pet)

Often, teachers discover that they have one or more students who can be described as gifted writers for their particular age or grade. Their abilities as writers may include many of the following characteristics:

• imaginative choice of detail
  
• superior command o language
  
• sophisticated use of devices such as humor exaggeration, sarcasm, iron, and figurative language
  
• strong voice
  
• meticulous research and planning.

Use the exemplar "The Perfect Pet," written by a student at the beginning of Grade 4, to have students identify examples of

• humor (e.g. "I was relieved that I didn't have to sit so long.")
  
• detail that shows imagination (e.g., the notion that a kitten would magically hatch from an egg)
  
• sarcasm (e.g., "Now I see what was meant by big mouth.")
  
• voice that shows an emotional reaction (e.g., "Eeep! I thought, "Mr. Accessories.")

Challenge students to identify two effective two effective sentences and to explain their choices. Possibilities include these:

• "Soon the egg was too big for my room!" (an exclamatory sentence that adds variety and interest.)
  
• "As quick as a lightning bolt, as the book had promised, a tiny yellow egg appeared on my finely quilted bed." (a sentence that begins with something other than the subject that adds variety to sentence patterns)

Have students review a composition of their own and use sticky notes to mark examples of effective techniques. Challenge students to revise their own work to include at least one example of a technique that would enhance their compositions.


EXEMPLAR

The Perfect Pet

"Aha! I cried. I have found The Magic Pet book.
I searched through the chapter entitled "Egg Pets."
Intelligent Duck? Nope.
Rancid Rat? No, too smelly.
OUTSTANDING KITTEN? YES!

Say: Mjuta libber kitten and a tiny yellow egg will appear. Everyday when the moon is full, sit n the egg until midnight. The egg will grow to its maximum size of 30 meters tall an 20 meters wide. When it reaches ts maximum you will not sit on the egg anymore. Five days later it will hatch and out comes an intelligent kitten.

Then in small print it said, "Beware of its big mouth."
Big mouth; big deal! I shouted, "Mjuta libber, Kitten!"
As quick as a lightning bolt as the book promised, a tiny yellow egg appeared on my finely quilted bed. The moon was full. With hope I climbed on the bed and sat on the egg.
Right away magic did its work. The egg started to grow and grow and GROW! Boy was I really unprepared. That night I put a spell on myself so I wouldn't be sleepy. I grabbed my book and mounted the egg. The egg started to grow. Soon the egg was too big for my room. So I cast a spell so my room would grow as the egg grew. In only three days the egg grew to its maximum size of 30 meters tall and 20 meters wide. I was relieved that I didn't have to sit so long. The egg was huge and I was puny
Five days later as predicted the egg hatched neatly. I dashed to the bed and the egg. Sure enough, a tiny adorable kitten that fit on my hand came out.
"Hi!" the kitten greeted me warmly. It was a wonder that the kitten had come out of such a gigantic egg. I asked the kitten why.
He explained, "I need a lot of room for my books, bathtub, sink, ect., ect.!
"Eeep!" I thought, Mr. Accessories."
"For your information I don't think I like you," he exclaimed as if he had read my mind.
Now I see what was meant by big mouth!
"Big mouth, GIANT deal! Now I'll just park the egg in that empty corner," he pointed.
That all happened a month ago. Now we decided the egg was big enough for two, so we moved into the egg, sold our house and moved to a cozy corner in Thousand Acre Woods. The only thing is that the egg is getting BIGGER AND BIGGER!
I'm cooking up a potion. The kitten just came up. Now he is getting bigger!
"Did you drink the potion? Did you? Did you?
No answer

"Yes!" Mikey cried. "I've beaten the final level of Kingdom Hearts Three at last!
And it only took me 3 hours. That's pretty fast!"
Mikey put down the controller to the game he was playing a lied back.
"I'll have a snack, and break in this new game. I bet it's going to be awesome!"
Mikey, the game freak as he was always called, rushed upstairs to have his usual snack of milk with a couple of Oreos, and returned merely 3 minutes later. He couldn't waste any more time. He had to beat this game. He would never forgive himself if he didn't.
Mikey sat down on his favorite chair, and turned on his PS3.

Mikey was a very strange boy. He was 15, a healthy height of 5'8, pretty skinny, and a pretty good looking guy. Except, he had one BIG problem. He was a game freak. He could not stop playing games. Video games, and anything related were his life. Mikey was a pretty smart kid, and he was cool if you got to know him. He had so many talents, and he had so much potential to succeed...but it was all for nothing. This boy woke up at 5 to play some games, left for school at 7, immediately came home, and sat down to play his games. His parents tried desperately to take away his bad habit and actually make him do his homework, but their attempts were all in vain. Mikey was a video game addict.

"Time to get myself into this game" Mikey said with a grin.
With that, he flipped on the switched to his PS3, and got himself into a more comfortable position to play his new game, Street Fighter 4. It was a new game, and the graphics were unbelievable. As the game came on, and he pressed the start button, something strange happened. Out of nowhere, time froze, and Mikey gasped horrified as this strange sensation started taking over his body. He was being pixalized, but it wasn't even hurting. There was nothing Mikey could do. Within seconds, he had become completely pixalized. But that wasn't the end of it. Mikey felt himself...being transported. Right into his game.
"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!"

Mikey opened his eyes, and found himself on a stage. He had literally gotten into game. Oh, the irony of it all. He looked around. If this was street fighter four, then...
Mikey looked around. Sure enough, there were thousands of computerized looking people as the audience, and he was in an arena.

Mikey couldn't believe his eyes. He actually laughed out loud. This was PERFECT! Now he would always be in a video game, watching endless fights and never aging, or becoming hungry, or tired! He was just about to shout with glee, when another character stepped onto the stage, right in front of Mikey. Mikey smiled.
"Excuse me good, muscular sir, would you mind letting me pass? I want to see the fight."
The man said nothing. Instead, he assumed a battle pose, and waited. What was going on?
Just as these thought crossed his mind, a voice out of nowehere said "FIGHT!"

"...EEP!" Mikey reacted faster than he ever had in his life. Out of nowehere, the muscular man had lashed out at him, and Mikey had to duck.
"Hey! What was that fo-oomph!" Mikey collapsed as the character struck out again and hit his stomach. But the character didn't stop there. He just kept punching and kicking at Mikey. "Hey, stop it!" he cried out, only to be punched in the face again.

"This is a video game..this is not real!" Yet, it certainly seemed real, and it certainly
felt real. As Mikey was being pummeled, he managed to look up for a second. Right above him, was something that looked like a health bar. It was rapidly decreasing, and once it hit zero, that would mean game over. What would happen if he got a game over? Mikey did not want to find out. This was all his fault for being so addicted to video games. AS his health came almost to an end, he cried out "If I ever come out of this alive, I'll never be addicted to video games again! At that moment, the health bar went zero, and everything went black.

Mikey opened his eyes. What? It wass still not over? Was there a round 2?! He looked around. Nope, he was back in his home. Was it a dream that had just happened? It had certainly seemed so real. Mikey winced in pain and looked down at himself. No..it had all been real. He was bloody and bruised, and he was in a lot of pain. But he was home and safe from that character from Street Fighter 4. He looked down at the case for the game and smirk. Mikey wouldn't be playing video games anymore. At least, not for a long time.

"Zoey!"Shouted Louis.
"What?"
"Behind you!"
Zoey turned around and dodged the flesh-eating figure that launched towards her. Lifting up her hands firmly gripping onto the assault rifle, Zoey fired the shotgun into its thick body blasting a hole through its ribs and finally watched it fly off the rooftop of Mercy Hospital. As she looked at Louis and Francis who were glancing over their shoulders, she nodded and smirked as they all headed down the stairs into the hallway unlocking the closet door finally releasing poor Bill who was trapped inside with a lit cigarette in his mouth.

"Thanks", Bill muttered as he caught the shotgun. All four ran through the eery hallways eliminating every rotting zombie that came towards their way when all of a sudden, a soft, whining cry exposed in mid-air made their running come to a halt. Bill, the oldest one of the four put his finger to his lips giving them the signal to keep their noise silenced until they came upon the sound. Sitting in the corner with her head hung downwards, spilling bloody tears onto the floor was the uterring witch who had been moping by herself. Imagine the mistake they would have made if they ended up startling the witch.

One by one, they ran past her hoping she wouldn't glower at them with her red, scorching glowy eyes. As Francis was the last to rush by her, he heard her grunting with frustration as she began to slowly get up. Without making a sound,he tried to be faster but as they all gathered up again, the scrawny, pale figure was already up targetting the one who disturbed her good sobbing. Her anger grew loudly and her long, thin claws separated from each other as she started for Francis. He struggled to aim the shotgun towards her as her frantic screaming echoed and bounced off the walls piercing his ears.

Louis, Zoey, and Bill threw the witch off of Francis as he scurried to the side and getting up once again. Screeching once again, she came at him once more running into the end of his shotgun; bad idea. Francis pulled the trigger into her mouth and crowned her frantically. Zoey put her hand on his shoulder as she healed him up with a first aid that was carried onto her back. "30 G-Achievement unlocked-Crowned" shows up on the screen as Angel and Sue slapped each other high fives. "Now that's what I'm talking about!",Sue laughed loudly.

"We're not finished with the game! Focus woman!" Angel shouted.

The characters faced pouncing Hunters in ripped-up hoodies, toungue catching Smokers in beaten up converse, and Vomit-exploding Boomers with boil-covered bodies. Last but not least, the monstrous Tank that lurks over their bodies. At the finale, as Louis summoned the rescue, Francis, Zoey, and Bill took cover as they launched pipe bombs until their Helipcopter arrived. Once it did, all four survivors ran towards their rescue as they avoided the infected.

Gladly, they all survived the nightmare, the Left4Dead. The End.

"I can't imagine life without you!" yelled Susan.
"Honey" Captain Kirk of the S.S. Board ship shook his leg repeatedly
"Honey. Please get off me." he said calmly.
"No,it's too long of a seperation !!!!!!!!" Susan clung closely to Kirk's leg as if she was a three year old girl not wanting her father to leave to work.
"uh...I don't know you." Kirk began to chuckle.
"Yes ,you do.I Joseph, you deserve to be blown by me you"
"Goodness than let my leg GO!!!!"
"Fine.Fine....Wait.NO!!!"Susan ran to his leg after letting go again.
"I'll surely die if you leave"Susan exclaimed.
"Oh yeah.it'll kill me too.I'm dying.I'm dying.Look see I am dying.Look I'm dead"Making a funny face with his tongue sticking out.
"Ahhh.Uhh"sobbed Susan.
"I promise I'll comeback"Captain Kirk replied.
"What if a pack of sea monsters comes and swallows your ship?"
"Then I'll really be dieing"laughed C.Kirk.
"OHh."Susan began to wallow.
"Hun,no monsters I promise"
"Fine."
Captain Kirk went inside his ship.Susan was miserable the whole time.Captain Kirk was safe and sound when he came home.At his actual home was the problem.He figured that Susan was insane.Kirk ended up putting poor Susan in a sanaterium.Noticing that Susan had some loose bolts was a revelation from God.
He never had to deal with Susan again.

"Everyone stay calm, there is no need for panicking,” the Captain said.
The ship was sinking and everyone was screaming. Something had struck the ship and they didn’t know what it was.
“Go to the closest life boat and don’t worry, nothing big would happen” the Captain continued.
Just as he said that a huge roar was heard through the ship. It sounded inhuman, from another world. Then a huge creature launch from the water, into the people who were in life boats. There was nothing that could have been done. In just one bite he swallowed them.
“What in the world is that?” a guy asked.
“It looks like a giant whale”
“Am not staying here to future it out”
Everyone started running everywhere running for there lives. But there was no hope for them. They were in the middle of the ocean. Land was miles away from them.
“Don’t worry Letty, its away now, it won’t come back” Max told his girlfriend.
They were in a life boat away now. They were one of the first one to be in one. Suddenly, the water underneath the boat started moving really weird. No one was expecting it. A creature that look like a shark pop its head out. Its jaws were twice as big as a Great White and larger then a Blue Whale.
“This is the end for us” a lady said.
“With you ‘till the end” Max whisper to Letty.
Those were the last words he ever said to her. No one ever knew exactly what happen that night in the Pacific Ocean. The only thing was that the ship that was heading to New York never had there. There were no survivors and their dead remains a mystery.

My alarm clock rang that morning as it had every morning since the weekend. Stuck in the middle of the week, with two days killed and two days to go, it was going to be a normal day. Nothing special...at all. For months I had been bored with my life and nothing new happened to me, no new friends, same old work from school, not even a special event since Christmas. "Another day..." I mumbled as I sulked out of my bedroom.
"HAPPY BIRTHDAY!", was the first words I heard that morning and startled awake I began to think. Today was my birthday! How did I forget? This day only came around once a year so it was special to me and my family. Each birthday I get one big present from my parents and I knew just what I wanted this year. It was going to be cooler and more awesome then anything I have ever asked my parents for in my entire life. For my birthday, I was going to get a pet.
My day had suddenly taken a new course. It is funny how ten seconds could change your entire day or perhaps even your entire life. If I am lucky, we could end up having a new family member in the household by the end of the day. Maybe a dog, or a cat, perhaps even a bird. There is an infinite of possibilities that can occur, but before any of that could occur I had to make my way to school.
Unfortunately, even when it is your birthday, the teachers are never nice to you. There is still an impossible amount of work to be done in class and homework does not fall out of existence. Luckily, my day was going by moderately quickly. Also, I felt special because my classmates had sung Happy Birthday to me. It was turning out to be a pretty good day after all, but I could not help feeling agitated during class I waited for the final bell of the day to release the students from their prison.
After asking my father if I could get a pet for my birthday, he just shrugged and began to drive to the local pet store. I enjoyed this because I was expecting a lengthy lecture about responsibility and chores. We soon pulled up to our local PetsMart and I began to once again think of the possibilities. What kind of pet would I get? Would it be big or small? Intelligent? Fluffy? I could not wait to find out for I doubt I would be bored with my life any longer.
"Here's this one", the salesman said as we were walking down the aisle. My dad, unamused, was probably going to let me pick out my pet, for it didn't look like he had any interest in the subject. He didn't even look like he knew what we were here for, but I didn't mind because that was when I saw the most perfect pet I had ever seen in my entire life. It was calling my name to take it home, so that was just what I did.
Although being quite large and expensive I think this pet is a good buy. We don't have to take much care of it and it is very beautiful. I don't think that I would have chosen any other pet to be my own. I will love and cherish Mr. Fluffy forever, but when mom gets home, I don't know how she will react to a six foot anaconda as my perfect pet.

Mamadou Bah Period 7 May 6, 2009

My Pet Retriever



“I hate dogs, they disgust me so much!” I whispered after seeing a dog on television. An incident that happened a year ago had sealed my perception of dogs. One day on a cool autumn afternoon, I was strolling down Main Street. As I was strolling down Main Street a pit-bull came running out of nowhere. Immediately my heart sank, I was scared of dogs, especially vicious snarling pit-bulls.

Then all of the sudden I dropped a bag that I was holding and started to run. I ran as fast as I could but the dog was a few feet in back of me. Then all the sudden I felt a huge pain on my arm the dog was biting me and I started to scream for my life. Luckily I was in a busy street and my calls were answered with a person coming over and scaring the dog away. After that I went home where my parents took me to the emergency room where I was treated.

From that day I thought I would never like dogs ever again, or so I thought. Then I went back home paranoid by every bark that I hear. In addition, every time I saw a dog I would all the sudden stop and try to go to the opposite direction or enter the nearest store. But not only my fear grew but my detestation of dogs also grew. I thought to myself dogs have no positive qualities toward life in general. I would soon come to know the real truth.

Again I was strolling down the same avenue and looking around seeing if there were any dogs around, but luckily there was none. It was around six o’clock and the sun was setting and I was heading home. En route to my house my wallet fell so then I picked it up and tried to put it back into my pocket, then all the sudden someone behind me grabbed the wallet and started running. Then a dog, with golden flawless hair, a golden retriever, out of no-where passed me chasing the guy with my wallet. A minute later the dog was running back and in its mouth was my wallet.

Then I noticed the dog was calm and wasn’t scaring me. In addition, I saw no tags on the dog and decided it was abandoned and that I was going to take it home as my new pet. I thought that was the least thing I can do for the dog after it retrieved my wallet. Going back home I explained to my parents what happened and how the dog got my wallet full of money back. After much debate we decided to keep the dog. My heart for dogs had finally changed and now I know dogs do have positive qualities towards people’s life like retrieving their stolen wallet.

My pet is the perfect pet for anyone, it’s the animal that meets every need. To begin with, my pet is extremely amusing, and fulfilling. With its warmth and shinny fur it enlightens my daily life. As I see it approach me every morning I smile, warm inside with a feeling that only he can cause. The gloss in his fur reflects on my eyes, and gives me an enormous strength inside and out.

As Max transports me into another dimension of speed and adrenaline I fall in love with him once again. I fall in love with his strength and will to always continue. I look into his creamy, chocolate, brown eyes and see my reflection, that’s when I know that he knows me better than anyone, and better than I would like anyone to ever know me.

Above all Max is not only the greatest friend one can have, but the most terrific listener. He is the one person that is always there, whiling to listen and give me support, that I know comes from the bottom of his heart. No one’s words can match up to the sensation caused by his droopy eyes as he sees me sad.

Max is my beloved black horse, the best pet anyone can ever have. Max, the only one that knows how to isolate me from the world when I need it. As I get on him, he, and only him, knows where to take me, it is as if he can perceive my feelings. Max can speak however I can assure that in multiple situations he understands me better than many humans.

The form in which I obtained him is just as special as he is himself. Max is the only son that my grandfather’s favor horse had. That horse was very special to my grandfather, who is now dead, and is the only thing I will always have from him. Max brings me many great memories, and he is a pet anyone can have. By raising him and growing side to side with him we developed the connection that is incomparable to anything else.

Andrea, Chad and their dog Copper were driving down an old forest road when an animal, possibly an elk stepped out in front of the car. Andrea did what her father always told her not to do, she swerved. She instantly knew her mistake and told Chad, “hang on, we’re going over”. What they didn’t realize until daylight was that “over” meant a 150 foot cliff. After what seemed like eternity the jeep finally came to a rest upside down. Andrea was unconscious and covered in blood, the windows were blown out and Copper was missing.

Chad woke Andrea and got her out of the seatbelt, they climbed back up to the road. Chad went down 4 times looking for Copper, he found nothing. They sat on the service road and built a fire for the night waiting for daybreak. Again Chad went down and looked for Copper and found nothing. They ended up hiking home as no one stopped to help them. Later at the hospital they discovered that Andrea had 2 broken vertebrae, gashes in her head and 2 lesions on her brain. Chad had 3 cracked ribs. All they could think of was to get out so they could get back to looking for Copper. Copper was, after all, their child.

The next day a car club got together and spent four hours pulling up the wreckage from the gully below. No one saw or heard Copper. They brought squeaky toys and called for him days after the accident. Still nothing. They posted on several sites, hung flyers and even posted on Gregslist four days after the accident. Someone saw the posting and forwarded to a group called the ASPCA in the hometown of Buffalo. They had been involved in an eerily similar rescue after a rollover car accident not 30 days before. They found that dog after ten days. It was alive. ASPCA contacted Andrea and told her, “Have hope, we will find him”. Four volunteers set out on Sunday, 5 days after the accident. They were told that because no one had seen or heard the dog that this could be a body recovery. But they needed to do it, for the family, so they would have closure and could begin to heal.

Bob, Kim, Chris and Jennifer spread out and went over the cliff to the gully. They methodically started to comb the area. The girls went together and the men went on the outer corners. The brush was so thick that a machete had to be used to make a path. At the bottom of the gully was a small creek. The girls jumped over the creek and went up and around to walk on the other side. One yelled out “Copper”. A few minutes later they heard barking. They ran and wildly scraped at the branches and brush trying to get to the dog. All the while yelling “It’s okay baby we’re coming. Good boy Copper!”



When they got to him, he had made a little nest for himself right by the creek. When they realized he was not going to let them put a leash on him they sat down beside him and spoke soothingly to him. Bob drove down to where Andrea and Chad were staying to tell them Copper was found but they needed someone to come and call him to motivate him. In the meantime Chris cut a path through the brush for Copper to go through. The look on Copper’s face when he heard his owner yelling his name. His ears flew back, he barked in reply and stood up to come out of the hiding place. After a bit of confusion, a lot of encouragement and praise, Copper made it up that cliff to his waiting parents. Everyone was crying and hugging. Copper was alive and well. Standing on that cliff side, looking down, it’s hard to believe that all three made it out alive. The love and devotion of a dog, a family’s hope and a group’s determination had reunited